Oh, Sonny.

Sonny:	Do I have to tell you again that I don't hit women?
Alexis:	Well, but you do call them bitches and whores.

Snicker.

I get the feeling that this scene where Sonny tells Morgan that Jax is basically going to be his new dad is supposed to be gut-wrenching and sad, but holy cow, Maurice Benard’s acting is so bad.  I’m laughing so hard.  Call me heartless, but whatever.  MAH SON!

Great.

Carly just asked Jax to adopt Morgan.  Now we’re in for weeks of Sonny yelling, “MAH SON!” again.

The World According to Jason Morgan

So let me get this straight.  Apparently cops are THE EVIL and mobster murders are good and virtuous and trustworthy.  Never trust Dante, Kristina and Molly, because he’s a cop!  But listen to mobster hitman Jason because even though he kills people, he’s not evil!

Gotcha.

And did Carly, Jason and Sonny ever consider that they’re the ones responsible for messing Michael up?  Yeah, probably not, because this is all Dante’s fault.  And Lulu?  She’s bad, too, because OMG she sides with Dante and therefore the law.  THAT’S BAD.

The people of Port Charles make my head hurt.

What is this … I don’t even …

How in the world could Tyra Banks and friends think this is a good photo?  Tyra needs to not encourage the crazy.

So when Sonny and Jason took Michael and hid him on that island, did they only give him one shirt to wear?  Good planning.

Why does Bobbie Spencer look like Octomom now?

Hold me.  I am frightened.

From EW’s Popwatch:

I truly wish each and every one of you at home could have seen the faces of the contestants during whatever it was that Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas sang. The girls did a better job of masking their lack of enthusiasm than the guys. Lee Dewyze looked like he was involuntarily witnessing childbirth. At one point, Big Mike turned to Casey, and the two men had a silent, shrugging conversation that went one of three possible ways.

1. Big Mike: “Dude, what song is this?” Casey: “I have no idea, dude.”
2. Big Mike: “Dude, who are these people?” Casey: “I have no idea, dude.”
3. Big Mike: “Dude, you think I could bench press that Jonas?” Casey: “I have no idea, dude.” 

It’s for these reasons that I wished they’d had video footage of the contestants’ faces when they found out their mentor this week was going to be … Miley Cyrus.

Tyra Banks is no longer allowed to criticize anything any of the contestants on America’s Next Top Model wear.  What is this, Tyra?  A nude bodysuit with shoulder pads?  Or a whole outfit made out of shoulder pads?  I’m pretty sure I had nightmares about this outfit last night.  I don’t know all that much about fashion, but I do know that this is … not cute.

New Idea

I think American Idol should have David Cook on the show every week.  He could perform like he did this week and show the current contestants how you take a song and interpret it as your own.  Oh, David Cook, even with your sometimes questionable hair, I think I still have a little bit of a crush on you. 

And Ke$ha?  It was nice of you to go on the show and make the current contestants feel a whole lot better about their own singing abilities.