What is this … I don’t even …

How in the world could Tyra Banks and friends think this is a good photo?  Tyra needs to not encourage the crazy.

Attn: Didi Benami

After I saw your very first audition, I decided you were going to be my pick to win this year.  After last week, when the judges panned you for trying to climb out of your box, I fear you’re in danger of not even making it to the top 12, so I’m going to need you to be awesome tonight, okay?  Even if it means climbing right back into that folksy singer-songwriter girl-with-guitar box that the judges want you in (even though they’ll then say you need to change things up).  But yes, I like you, and I’d like to see you go far on this show, so please pick a good song this week.

SHUT UP, DANNY GOKEY.  SHUT UP.  NO MORE TALKING.

Yeah, not a fan.

Most dramatic episode ever.

Except not really.

Have I mentioned how much I love The Bachelor?  The show is pure comedy.  Take this week’s episode for example.  Tenley’s dancing!  Vienna’s dad’s accent!  Gia’s mom!  Gia’s brother’s hair!  Jake’s weird faces!  Jake perfecting his Jason Mesnick moves!  (Lean over balcony or railing.  Scrunch face up.  Weep.)  The mere fact that the women freak out more over smaller events happening than a big event happening!  I know it could all be editing (and probably was), but I love how the women wept like someone just ran over their dog when Rozlyn left, but when Ali leaves?  Nothing.

And, kids out there, honestly?  If you have a nice job, and you have to choose between having a job and sticking around to maybe get picked to “win” on a reality dating show, please pick your job.  Please.  Then when the bachelor invitably breaks up with the “winner,” he’ll realize that you were “the one” after all and call you up and you can date like normal people.  Win-win!